Thursday, August 16, 2012

Living as a fat woman...

Freehold, NJ 07728
Today, it just feels like life. I'm stressed. Why? Who knows "Moody Debbie" has come out to play or more appropriately, pick a fight.
Have I become spoiled by the anonymity of the RV lifestyle? Meaning, being in strange towns where no one knows us and in a park that people keep to themselves?
This week has been way too busy for my tastes. Doctors' appointments, vet appointments, social appointments.
I snapped at Scott today, which is a rare thing really. I've become used to doing things at a very relaxed rate, with no time schedules and this week has been full of time schedules & having to be nice to people (ugh!),  
Or maybe it's New Jersey attitude coming out?
Or it could be the pressure of dealing with our 5'x15' storage unit. My motorcycle is in there, which takes up a lot of space and makes it very difficult to get to the boxes in the back.
Suzuki Intruder 800
Purging the RV: 
1. We have taken down some of the cornices that most RV's come with & put into storage. 
2. We have...again...gone through our clothes and I have put another 4 sweatshirts and a sweater into storage. 
3. My 10 speed road bicycle is going into storage which should free up a little room in the front compartment. I purchases a hybrid (mountain/road) bicycle earlier while on the road. That suits our needs much better than a skinny tired road bicycle.
4. Putting my monitor into storage now that I've converted to a laptop computer.
5. Gave away some plastic tubs we've been carrying around with us because they are too good to just throw out.
I'm pretty impressed with us that we didn't seem to overpack (even though we are slightly overweight) our RV for our maiden year voyage. Not too much purging out of the RV.
Purging the Storage Unit:
I suggested to Scott that we should sell my motorcycle. That would free up so much room! Since we've completed our first year, and love this lifestyle, who knows when I'll get that bike out of storage. That means more years of the bike just sitting there, more years not being maintained, more years that it may not start. Scott wasn't thrilled with selling it, so it will continue to take up space in our storage unit.
1,2,3. I sold 3 items that were awkward sized, so took up more space than I liked. We sold my scroll saw, our circular saw, and our miter saw. 
Our unit is filled to the max, so that made room for what we are taking out of the RV.
4. I also have about 4 60qt. plastic tubs with photo albums in them. I have brought two back to the RV and plan to do a lot of scanning of photos and then into the garbage the photos will go.
5. Vitamix. I bought this appliance approximately 12 years ago. Have only used it maybe 2x, but I couldn't get rid of it. I have found room in the RV for it, so it will now be available for me to experiment with. If I don't use it in the coming year, that will be given away.
I truly thought I would lose weight while on our RV journey.
I thought I wouldn't be baking cakes and cookies (true).
I thought I wouldn't be alone to have my own little snacks through out the day. Surprisingly, even in an RV, we have our private times. Scott enjoys staying in the bedroom and watching TV (he misses laying on a couch), so I get the rest of the RV to myself to pull out my stash of sweets.
I thought I'd be walking more. Even though we have Setters, they really don't need much exercise. Devin has settled down nicely and would rather be by our side, than outside. So walks are minimal unless we are at a really nice park that has close walking and/or biking trails.
We now lead a very sedentary life. No lawn to mow, no garden to tend, no house to clean and maintain. We read A LOT, I do a lot of crafts and spend a lot of time on the computer.
In my 20's & 30's I was anywhere from a size 5 to size 8. Constantly dieting, always conscious of what I ate. Exercised 5-7 days a week.
Age 34, Size 5
Age 44, Size 8-10
Age 52 Size 12-14
Age 55 Size 14-16
UGH!!!! Maybe this public display will finally be a wake up call for me. When I turned 50, I said I was tired of ALWAYS thinking about what I ate, so I stopped and the last photo is the result.
Luckily, my husband is a sweetheart and loves me in spite of the extra pounds. Do I love myself? Actually, because I am nearing 56, my weight doesn't bother me as much. When I meet people I do not access their weight, I try to see if our personalities mesh and if we can have fun together, or have common interests. 
It is quite freeing to be of an older age. I am more outspoken & actually more confident. I am free of worrying if people will judge me by my looks. I always looked younger than my years until I hit just over 40. Then my face started catching up with my age, so I figured why bother keeping a trim figure when my face is that of a mature woman, so then I let my body do as it pleased.
I am still dying my hair, but rarely wear makeup.
So to answer the questions, Do I Love myself?  I don't know. I'm disappointed that I've let my body "go", and I've always fought with myself to determine if I am a nice person, or worthy of the wonderful life I have.
Which leads me into the book review below.

Good in Bed (Cannie Shapiro, #1)Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The title is is not a book about sex.
Not sure how wide an audience this book will interest. But, it will definitely interest any woman that has ever struggled with her weight and self esteem. Maybe just issues of self esteem in general.
This is not categorized as self help book, but it may be a just that disguised as a light read.
Main character is a larger sized woman and tells the story of her life growing up and present. How she struggles with her self esteem because of her weight and her father.
Life is generally good for her, but she can't get past her weight and her love life.
I loved her sarcastic personality and bluntness about what it's like being fat.  In the end, it does make you think about what really is important and what you've made important that isn't.
I loved the book.

View all my reviews


  1. I had no idea Tony Orlando married Tennille, I wonder if Captain should be told!

  2. I appreciate your honesty! Just recently (after being inspired by the Olympics), I decided that I didn't want to "waste" all this free time we have and David and started training for a 5k... again. I've done this before. I'm not really a runner (or athlete at all) but I needed a challenge. Our fulltime journey *could* be for a only a year and I want to take advantage of it all (the closeness to outdoors for one). So I've been trying to get outside more. I know that my mind seems more cleared when I spend some time outside. But I never wear make up anymore and am thinking about NOT coloring my hair... So we shall see! Hoping you find yourself loving yourself and yes, you are worthy of the life you live! You give so much!


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